Sunday, December 21, 2008

The pressure of performance

Thanks to a colleague for this one.

Me and muttoo.....

Read this on a blog profile. I couldn't help smiling on the line below the pic :-)

Sadist Joke

Hyderabadis will be able to get the context of my joke.

Badhri and I were going in a rickshaw over the new flyover that connects Greenlands to Banjara Hills and Hi-Tech. I, matter-of-factly, told him "Dude, you know this flyover has really made life easier for people". Badhri, his usual skeptical self, quipped "Not before taking some" - referring to the flyover mishap that happened not so long ago.

PS: This post introduces a new label "Sadist".

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I get lost in thoughts so much that I am famous among my friends (at least those who I currently live with) as one who mouths and gestures to himself while alone. But I reach new heights if I make official visits companies representing my company.

Recently I had been in Qualcomm, Bangalore to support a design release. The avid coffee drinker in me prompted me for a cup while working on a head-scratching behaviour of our company's software. I opened the glass door to reach the pantry and my gesturing started while I waited for the coffee. I must have taken the coffee after it filled up and started walking. CRASH came the sound and the next thing I remember was that about 10-15 people were staring at me as if they were 5-year-olds lost in a strip club - horrified and confused at what had just happened. I was standing there with a small lump on my forehead, all the coffee on my brother's neatly pressed formals. (I don't pack my shirts when I go to Bangalore!), a stupid smile on my face that my mom would usually describes as "a monkey that had just tasted ginger". Lost in thought, I didn't notice the closed glass door in front me and almost walked right through it!

As if to prove the stupidity that my face wore, I asked the only person dared to walk up to me to help, "Was this door closed?". He had to let out the giggle he was suppressing till then when he said, "Yes, it closes automatically. You probably didn't notice". I thanked him for the help and walked to my cube as I rememebered my visit to Wipro last year with a sense of deja vu!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Garba khelo ?

No personal feelings please and with due respect to all garba lovers.
No harm intented to religious sentiments.

I moved to Ahmedabad just one month before Tatas decided to move to Ahmedabad ;) - a truly amazing city for sure, but this city two serious problems , first it comes in dry state - so hard time boozing, second this is the land of GARBA - the traditional Gujarati dance performed especially during the the festival before dussera - Nau Durga. It was my first garba season here and I've some tonic for you -

1.) Every body says Garba khelo (meaning - play) , now can you tell me - how do we play a dance ?

2.) After doing garba, here is my definition :-
" It is an activity where people form circle or ellipse and rotate while clapping in a weird fashion and everybody thinks that we are dancing. "
I went to all the famous places in Ahmedabad and saw so many garbas - all I was reminded of Godhra riots - so much commotion - hardly any cultural relevance.

3.) Every Garba begins with prayer of Ma Durga and this dance is said to be performed for the goddess. I wonder if ever the goddess told mortal beings to "wear some sort of sexy back less dress for ladies and scare crow like dress for men and then dance whole night to make her happy."

The money and time spent on real festival of Ma durga is something like :-

Money on Garba : Money on Pooja :: 10000: 0.01
time doing garba : time doing pooja : : 9 hours : 6 mins

4.) Then this must be an interesting fact -
" The sale of condoms increases drastically during the garba season !!! "
check out google for real facts and figures, here is one such new from DNA :-

I am fascinated by the whole hyporcricy in our society but neways, now I understand why they call a dance - " Khelo" coz its actually a big play - a foreplay, may be.

Parah Salin

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

India vs. America

I went to meet with the principal of a tiny school (which he is run on the terrace of his house) to discuss the next science demo that our company trying to put together. He is a very good example of an achiever by keeping things small. He runs a couple of businesses which includes an internet browsing center and using the money runs the school that mainly caters to the nearby families of the lower economic income. He is also a funny guy who frequently takes a satirical looks at social problems that irritated me!

During our conversation I realized that he has some social consciousness when he revealed that he writes frequently to Deccan Chronicle suggesting traffic improvements and a voluntary member of a group (don't remember the name) that assists traffic police. So, I tried to take his opinions on public urination and how to solve it. He suggested people aren't ready to pay a rupee for unrination and two for defecating, especially when it is not a taboo to do so in public. But he expressed the "not a taboo" part beautifully!
"This is India, not America! In America, people can kiss in public, but not piss in public. Here we can piss in public..but unfortunately we can't kiss in public"

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A piece of genius

You must have heard an anecdote from the life of Einstein told to justify the fact that brilliant people people make stupid mistakes when the eventually succumb to making one. Einstein had a pet cat which inevitably gave birth to kitten. So, Einstein decided to construct a small home for the cat and built a home with two entrances, a big one for the mother and a small one for the kitten, missing the obvious point that if the mom can enter through the bigger entrance, so can the kitten. But that's the oft told story, too boring to merit a repeat. So sticking to the ubiquitous rule "only change is constant" let us narrate another story from the life of another undisputed genius.

This happened one day in his childhood when he had an upcoming basic mathematics exam involving addition, subtraction, place value identification, division etc... Being a sincere student he had been preparing hard for the exam under the expert guidance of his mom. On the morning of the exam, while he was taking stab at a random bunch of problems his mom realized that there were too many problems to solve in such a short time before starting to prepare to go to school. So, she told him "Don't worry about attempting addition, subtraction and place know it very well. Attack the multiplications and division and get them right. That should be enough". And the genius obliged. Feeling confident after the revision, he left for school to conquer the exam.

That evening his mom enquired,"How was the paper?"

As if he was just waiting for his mom the answer the enquiry, he beamed,"The paper was great! I solved all the division and multiplications right!"

Puzzled, the mom asked, "What about the addition, subtraction and place values..?"
"Oh, but why should I even attempt them mom, I know I do them very well. I just attempted the multiplications and divisions. Isn't that what you said?"

Now who is this genius? Well..who else? :)

Friday, September 5, 2008

Prasing her or picking on her?

I got introduced to Hindi when I was in my fourth standard (I think), but then for as long as I was in Chennai, my Hindi hadn't matured so much to understand movie songs right out of the player. It needed offline processing. But remember your school prayer or the "India is my nation" pledge? Honest to god, when was the time in all your 12 years of school have you stopped to think "What the hell is the meaning of what I am saying? Does anyone even know or am I the only dumbo?". For the privileged Tamilians like me, a lot of Hindi songs fit the category too! There are always exceptions, and you do sometime get the meaning of what Udit Narayan is trying to tell Alka Yagnik. But the funny ones are the songs that leave you confused! For example,  this song is from an absolute box-office smasher that catapulted Shah Rukh from a chocolate hero into a bitter-sweet anti-hero. The cause for the confusion though is the South Indian heroine, the only one for who a temple was built, if romours are anything to go by.  This extract from the song has always left me wondering if the hero is praising his sweet heart or making fun of her for being excessively fat. Here is the extract..

"Jadooooo teri nazar...Khusbhoo tera badan..."

Friday, August 8, 2008

2 Silly things !!!!

Well I really don't know whether we should laugh about it or not but here is what I saw at Ujjain Station. ( Third most busy railway junction in M.P.)

The cow stood right at the platform harldy few meters from the gate of the train.
I wondered whether - Lalu has started special trains for cow - obliging to the "CHARA".

Another one.....I read following on a Auto-Ricksaw in Hyderabad.
unfortunately I could not click the picture as it was in middle of traffic.

"Do not over take from left side, I am not responsibility. "

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Japanese Faux pas

Well, my Japanese Faux pas doesn't seem to end with my earlier adventure at the party hall. Here is more..

Two days ago, my manager in Japan... ya ya the same Sato-san organized a send-off dinner at an Indian restaurant in Shinagawa (like you know where it is..). All the Japanese guys who I worked with were invited for the dinner. Since it was a working day we were all in the office and left for the restaurant together. One guy who I spent most time with (I mean pervert) is Shinya Hirai-san. He must be a nice guy I thought, since he keeps smiling all the time. But the problem is, he has no choice but to smile all the time because he knows only as much as I know Japanese. Anyway, we left the office together and I was stuck with him while walking up to the railway station. After a labour ( I mean working hard..dumbo, its a he, not a she!) of about five minutes he managed to ask me,

"So what you buy in Japan?"
I said "I got a video camera"
"India no bideo kamera?" (Is there no video camera in India?)
"Of course we have video cameras man, but they are not as good as they are here. There are more varieties here.."

He seemed to have been impressed by the compliment. But he smiles when he is lost in translation too..So I would never know. As we walked there was a long pause. After some time, I saw a bus with strange exterior colours..with a bit of bright yellow on it. That was the first time I saw this kind of a bus in Japan. Priding myself of my capability to simplify my English down to Japanese level, I pointed to the bus and said

"That is very different".
He turned around to me and asked "India no bassu?" (Don't you have bus in India?)

Simultaneous thoughts clogged my mind:
a) No man never knew what the word bus meant before I came Japan.. we still go around with bullock carts and donkey driven carriages..

b)Never talk to Japanese in English, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Good-bye! ..and good-riddance

After a really boring day of (not so much) work, I turned to my colleague next cube and told her..

"Komura-san! Tsumaranai desu!" (Its so boring!)

She laughed heartily at the my sudden stupid grimace and the surprising appropriate usage of Japanese. Then as if she remembered something abruptly got and walked to Sato-san, to who I report here in Japan. My heart-skipped a beat,

"Oh Crap! Now I am going to get fired from my company, while on-site".

After a few seconds of silent conversation, Sato-san walked over to me and said, "We are organizing a party this evening to invite the new employees, you want to join?"

I grinned!

Within the next half-an-hour, I found myself in a party hall among a lot of people who looked the same, yet individually familiar, all roaming around with a glass of one kind of alcohol or the other. I found an exclusive table of vegetarian, well.. vegetables.. and started monopolizing the table convinced that none come anywhere near this table. I mean who is going to say "Mmmm! That is a really appetizing broccoli!" and walk up to pick one? So, I dutifully started emptying broccoli's with nothing better to do! (of course watching the ladies was always there, but isn't it understood?)

But as time passed by, the alcohol began to take over the crowd and I could spot a few people walking around and smiling foolishly for no apparent reason. And then the nightmare began. One of my colleagues from our managerial cadre walked up to the table and started surveying But I guess he wasn't drunk enough, so the contents of the table didn't impress him. Trying not to expose the fact that he was just fooled by a table of vegetables, he started started talking to me in Japenglish, and somehow found that I am actually an interesting person to talk to!

At one point of time, he suddenly steered away from the business-related topic we were talking about and said
"You look young! Are you single?"
Consider the question for a second, what made him ask "Are you single" instead of the conventional "Are you married?". I don't know and the fact is, I don't want to know!"...


In a vain attempt to extricate myself from the situation and slip the message across I said, "Ya, I am single, but I will probably get married soon!"

He gave a drunk and suggestive laugh, "He he he.. you are waiting to meet your girlfriend after going to your country.."

Relieved that "I-am-not-gay" the message is sent across, I laughed in equal footing "He he he..yeaaa"

"So what is the name of your girlfriend?"
(Damn it, I don't have a girlfriend! and why the hell don't I remember the name of a god-damn girl...? Brinda, Shweta, Maya.. crap they are all too close to me to use as my girlfriends, ya I can lie consistently..but I feel its morally...screw morality man...this Samurai is kicking your ass all over the place....)
(What was name of the last girl who said no to your!)
He looked at me awkwardly wondering why I was yelling.
"Lamya?", he confirmed
"Ya Lamya"!
"What is she doing?"
"She is working as a HR in a different city!" (No one can ever suspect that to be a lie! About 90% of the girls do that job!)
"You should bring your girlfriend to Japan! It is a good place!"
(what are you interested in my girlfriend now?)
"Sure! May be in my next visit"
"I need to fill up more wine, nice meeting you"
Good-bye" (..and good-riddance)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sometimes its better to keep quite…

Most…of the times…I get annoyed to see men intruding into the ladies’ compartment in MMTS train, Hyderabad. Further I vent out my anger by asking them to leave or read the instruction saying boldly that “You need to pay fine under such offense”. Today, I was rather immersed in a book in one corner, when I found one Guy confidently boarding up…I was about to say my usual dialogues… J when he started saying,…”Come on guy’s get out of this compartment, it’s a ladies one…” This guy turned out to be the TT who was actually warding them off…Not my fault entirely cause I gazed at him thinking if, he was in his uniform or something…but then finally I sighed a sense of relief saying…”Thank God I didn’t blurt out today at least...else would have been the laughing stock for the day.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Panda sneeze :))

One of my favorite LOL items. The silence before the sneeze and the mother's reaction everything is funny. I wonder what the mother panda was thinking after the sneeze :-?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

George Carlin (again!): Similarities

OH MY GOD! I just have to post this one. I just have no other option. Because this is THE LOL material. I was rolling on the floor and laughing my a*s off! I could feel the pain in my stomach around my six-pack that I never knew existed!

The embedding is disabled. So, here is the link. UNBELIEVABLE!

Geroge Carlin: The American Dream

After yesterday's encounter with George Carlin, I couldn't sleep! I was just sitting there in the middle of the night just watching him rock-and-roll and stamp out everything on his way...religion, , politics, feminism, racism..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, The Amrenican Dream! Way to go Carlin! :)

Friday, June 20, 2008

Big time bullshit!?!

Disclaimer: This video is not for who are sensitive to the topic of religion and it is not intended to offend anyone.

If you like this you can watch a lot of George Carlin on Youtube. Here is another one thats more related:

Monday, June 16, 2008

Luck-broker analysis

I visited one of the most famous Shrines in Kamakura, Japan last weekend and found a fortune card on sale. The Japanese, it seems, are not exempt to believing that a certain members the animal kingdom bring or take away fortune from humans. That these luck-brokers live out their lives aiding the human luck-transaction is amazing. I wonder if all of them specialize only in human luck or if they work on luck of other animals too? Do they only do transactions or do any of them specialize in luck-market analysis? I guess I would never know. But this luck-broker, Mr. Turtle clearly stands out among others. He doesn't waste his time on luck market analysis for transactions. He just uses good old magic to get his job done! And his magic, one must admit, is like no other! Afterall how many magicians you know has a shell on his back and can make you a long and rich LIVER?? (See picture!)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Theo's bad report card!

In case if you were not able to watch it from here following this link:

Seems like this video is not available for viewing outside the US due to copyrights.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Toilet terror - It happens only in Japan

It rains and consequently gets cold in Japan. On top of that, Japan is a coffee-crazy country and I am just too happy to sail along the direction of the wind! One side-effect of that is my kidneys get work over-time without pay! (Here I go again!...)

That day was no different. Well...almost! After the third cup of coffee for the day, it was time for me to pay the regular visit. As I was standing there, performing my chore, a janitor, middle-aged a bit over-weight exited the loo located right behind where I was standing and went towards the hand wash. I was thinking about the e-mail sent by a customer asking a confusing question. So as I got done, I absent-mindedly turned simultaneously while zipping up. Time for Murphy's law.. For reasons nobody can explain, at the exact same time the janitor turned away from the hand wash and facing me, I turned away from the urinal and facing the janitor, and the zip got stuck against a piece cloth in trouser (thank god it was the cloth!). I don't know if the janitor was taken over by instinct or if the long experience came to the rescue, but quite honestly I don't want know. But the next moment, I zipped up. As I walked towards the wash she said "Sumimasen" (excuse me). It was then I realized that it was a *SHE*! My head swirled for a moment and it was not the coffee's fault.

I didn't know if I have to get the hell out of there or if I just have to pretend as if nothing has happened, wash my hands and walk out slowly. But on the way out, I made sure to check if it was indeed the gentlemen's room. Thankfully it was. I was thankful that it wasn't my fault. I told myself it probably happens only in Japan!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Testing IQ

Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope, and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one around to help you. The only possible way is to somehow convince the lion to BLOW the candle out. How do you do that?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Communist jokes

A cell in one of the numerous prisons in Soviet Union full of people convicted for nobody knows what..a new man was pushed in by the police. Everybody came running towards him and asked
"How many?", meaning "How many years?".
He said in a sad tone "Ten" :(
"What for?"
"For nothing"
"Why you liar! For nothing they give five years!"

If you liked this joke, or didn't and want a better one than that may be you can check out a related article. More communist jokes are available in a book called "Hammer and Tickle" by Ben Lewis.

Source: BBC's Global news podcast

Monday, May 26, 2008

Giving Hope!

No matter what situations life throws at you...
no matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem...

Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

7 Habbits of Highly ineffective people.

Hey All,

I just came out of yet another thrilling Toastmaster Session and I was the Joke-Master of the day.
As a joke master I was supposed to make audience laugh and I chose to use " 7 Habbits of Highly ineffective people. "

It went pretty well, so thought to share the write up with you all too.... Here you go...

Joke Master : TM session 23

I am sure you’ve all read or at least heard about seven habits of highly effective people as explained by renowned writer Steven R Covey.

But I am not sure if you’ve also heard of 7 habits of highly ineffective people by even more renowned writer – TM Shashi. So today I’d enlighten you by those 7 habits of highly ineffective people.

Seven habits of highly ineffective people.

1.) The nosy habit.

Its simple, the people with nosy habit believe that there is a hidden treasure inside their nose and hence try to explore it whenever they get time to.

People do this when they nervous but I do this every time I get nervous and its only when I;ve found some treasure that I realize that what I was doing ?

If you follow cricket, one player who strongly believes in the treasure in the nose is Sourav Ganguly, you can often find him doing this [ Finger in the nose] and the cameraman has to take the focus off immediately. The worst thing about Ganguly is that he also does this after the nosy act. [ Put the same finger in mouth to bite nails ]

2.) The second habit of highly ineffective people is “The ultimate itch” ,

People with this habit exhibit excellent itching sense.

There are types of itching – I don’t know itching – Head.

I don’t know but I am pretending that I know itching. – Chin.

I did not take bath itching – Underarms and chest.

And the socially unacceptable – the sachin tendulkar itching.

3.) Better late than ever. Habbit.

They think that “Being late is glorious” and hence they would always come late. If there is a meeting at 3PM, they will enter at 3:20PM.

Now its not their mistake that they think being late is glorious. Because it is.

Suppose Harish is taking up an all hands and all the employees are listening to him, and this highly ineffective person enters just 30mins late, what will happen , - everybody will look at him and even harish will look at him.

Nobody would have even noticed this poor chap if only he was on time. Of course – being late is glorious.

4.) The fourth habbit is – pretend you know everything.

You can ask such people anything you like – and they will act like encyclopedia for you.

Do you know who is Michael Schumacher ? Of course, I know her.

Do you know what is a software ? – Dude – what do you think am I wearing?

Do you follow IPL ? Of course I follow IPL and Germany is my favorite team.

5.) The fifth habit is that they think 5=7.

you see these were the 7 habits of a highly ineffective person.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Just a thought!!

Now that I 've got a tail bone fracture, I can only wear loose clothes and it made me think of this..

"What if we had a tail now? .. What kind of clothes can be designed?.. A wrap around the tail ?..
In that case, how can we wear it?.. A cylindrical cloth can be pulled over on tail like how we put the pillow cover over a pillow??!!..or.. a rectangular cloth with hooks on one side and loop on other side? No no..It will take hell a lot of time to put all hooks into the loop !!
Well.. the best is having a welcro on one side and sticky thing on the other side of the cloth !!
And we can call the guy who stitches as " Tail Tailor" :)- "

wow.. what a great line of thought when I have thousands of things to study for Ph.D and exams !!

Well, if this post provokes your thought, give your suggestions :)

Friday, May 23, 2008

Already arranged interview....???

Well, I get email requests...for employment possibilities..but this request is one of its kinds.... :D

Dear Employer:

I am responding to your advertisement in website, regarding openings in Development Engineer. Please find enclosed my resume showing my education, experience, and background.

I have around 2 years experience in the software field. May I arrange an interview to further discuss my qualifications? I am available for an interview at a mutually convenient time.

Thank you for your time and consideration...
Ms. R

Badhri... what do you have to say ;-)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Toilet technology

"Around this time of year, it would be warm in Japan man! You lucky fellow, you will escape the Hyderabad summer", my friend envied me as I was about to leave for Japan!

Only god knows how much my friend cursed me for the supposed luck. But if he did, his curses sure worked! As I arrived at Tokyo airport, I was in for a cold and windy surprise. Literally! I had to take a bus to get to the city where my apartment is located. The ten minute wait with summer cotton clothes on a windy day was terrible. As if the cold is not enough, within minutes my bladder got full! I risked missing the usually punctual bus and ran for the washroom. It was a much needed relief, but a short-lived one. I managed to come back before the scheduled arrival time of the bus. The bus was late by about three minutes and I was back to square one. I felt like a pregnant lady ready give birth to a liquid infant! For the second time with in a span of ten minutes!

Narita airport is about half-an-hours drive from Tokyo. By the time, I unlocked my apartment door, I was so full that I could have put out a Californian forest fire twice! I got into the washroom for the much needed release. Engrossed in the happiness I first didn't notice it. But as I grew leaner and relieved, I noticed that there was a tap atop the flush tank, only there was no way to turn it on!

Now that I had served my sentence for committing the crime of not packing winter clothes, I started exploring. I slid my hands right under the tap to see if it has a motion sensor, but the tap didn't respond. I groped behind the tap feeling for a push button. Still nothing. "I guess the tap is just for a show. Japanese probably spend their lifetime making cars and ASIMOs that they just didn't have enough time for taps!", I thought. I reached for the flush, pulled it up (not push down) and voila! along with the flash the tap vomited copious water!

"Wow! What washes your hands can still wash of your liquid baby! Japs are cool", I thought. Little did I know then that I was barely scratching the surface of truth. The next morning, I covered the two minute walk to my office and I was full again.

"I never understood the biology. Why should my bladder hyper react to cold?", I thought as I started looking around the office building for the familiar match-stick man. "Its not that I will drown in my own urine if I don't pass a litre of it every two minutes! In fact how did so much water get into my body in the first place! Ah there he is" I spotted the match-stick man hanging from the ceiling and into the entrance under him.

After an eternal minute, I was relieved again. As I reached the wash basin, I started wondering if all the Japanese toilets had a tap over their flush tanks. So, went to the toilet door, and slowwwwly pushed it open and peeked in with curiosity. I saw no tap on the flush tank. In fact, there was no flush tank.

"Hah, it's not a Japanese thing after all, just the apartment guys, trying to impress".

I pulled the door to close it. Just as the door closed, I noticed that the toilet seat had an arm jutting out from its sides.

"What the...", I opened the door and found tiny buttons on the arms. I moved closed to observe them. They are electronic controls for the flush. Four small buttons to control the force of the water jet and four more to control the warmth. "Holy shit!", I thought. I felt as if I just got one on my jaw from Evander Holyfield and stammered out of the bathroom.

It is about a week now and I thought I got used to the best of toilet technologies. I realized that I was wrong yet again. The best just got better. Here is an article from The Economist.

Friday, May 16, 2008


Nivikar or as I am used to calling him "Nirvignam kurme deva" (NKD) was in a thoughtful mood as NKD, Aish and I started walking towards the noisy road that would take us eventually to work. "Why are you in a thoughtful mood now?", I asked. But then he didn't respond. However, my mind got preoccupied with what I just said so fast that even if he had responded, I would have cut him off! :) Or may be he did respond and may be I did cut him off! Anyway, who cares! :)

"Hey have you heard that S**d**ji joke?", I asked them and continued without waiting for an answer. "So, a S**d**ji was taking an English exam and after a hard-fought 3 hours, he came out satisfied that he did well. A friend of his asked
"How was the exam?".
"Did well this time!", he replied, "However, there was one question that I am not sure about."
"What is that?", asked his friend
"The question was, 'what is the past tense of the word Think?"
"Well..a tough one I suppose, what was your answer?"
The S**d**ji replied "I thought..thought..thought and wrote 'Thunk'

NKD, I think, still didn't react
Aish replied, with a characteristic expression of his "Haa haa Waaaaaazaaaaa!" and did a Hi-fi!

Disclaimer: No offense to any body belonging to any particular group. Its a joke and emphasis is placed only on the "Thunk" word and no other word.

Monday, May 12, 2008

First thing in the morning!

Kids repeat what they see elders do. My nephew is no different. Only, sometimes he pushes it! I got up about 10 minutes ago and walked out of my room to find him like this!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Simian traits on public display!

Nature of job 3 of 3

Alright here is the final one nature of job.
This happened to one my friend working in Motorola in software dept.

He was supposed to take a flight from Begumpet airport to Bangalore, he directly went to the airport from work and in the process forgot to take of the company batch off from his belt lock.

He entered the security checking area and the personnel who was stamping the bag - tags happened to see the batch - "MOTOROLA", and asked - "so your work for Motorola ?

Yes replied the friend,

I've a Motorola cell that is consuming lot of battery and is not catching the signals properly and you should take a look at it !!!!!!

The security personnel kept complaining about all the feature about some old Motorola Model and grew quite aggressive thinking that this is the person who must be responsible for all the trouble he faced !!!!!

He almost had him for dinner before my friend somehow managed to escape.
But he almost had to apologize before leaving, for the dirty condition -Motorola cell.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Where are you ?

I have friend whom I used to work with during my Satyam days - Actor 1

He had a friend who used to work in Indian Railways as a software engineer - Actor 2. Now, this obviously meant all last minute ticketing requests that we used to have, ended up with him :-).

Another common friend of ours came up with a similar last minute request - Actor 3. 3 requested 1 to liaison. 1 asked 3 to reach the station and give 2 a call. 3 reached station and gave 2 a call. Following conversation reconstructed from sources close to the incident.

3: Hey 2, I have reached the station, can you come down so that I can give you the money?
2: Sure, I am coming down
3: Okay
(2 comes down)
2: So where are you, I have come down near the reservation counter.
3: Okay, let me come.....Okay, I am there
2: Still cannot see you, which side are you on...
3: I am on the Platform # 1 side.
2. Even I am on that side.
3. Come near where the TT is standing. Let us meet there
2: Yes I am here
3: What color shirt are you wearing?
2: White
3: I do not see any person wearing a white shirt.
2: Okay, do one thing. Come to the first floor railways office.
3: FIRST FLOOR ???? There is no first floor.
2: Which station are you at?
3: Begumpet, why? You?
2: My office is at Secunderabad station.
3: What the ........

Nature of job 2 of 3

Following happened to other colleauge (Vijay) yesterday :-

Somebody happened to have visited him, I'll call him Mr. Dingu.

Mr. Dingu got interested in the kind of job that we do at Synopsys.
To make it simple, Vijay replied " We work on chip design and related softwares ".

Mr. Dingu inquired with genuine curiosity - " so what's hot in chip design these days ? "

Vijay actively replied - " Power !!! Now a days low power designs are critical . Power seem to be the key challenge for the chips to come !! "

The discussion went on for around 10 mins and Vijay was very happy to have found some one who actually understands "nature of his job" !!!!
but he was taken aback by this statement of Mr. Dingu after a long discussion on low power design challenges in VLSI

" Oh Now I understand, why Reliance Power is investing so much money in Taiwan "

Nature of Job - 1 of 3

With IT revolution in India, one thing that has become difficult is " how do I explain my job to others ? "

Especially with the job that I do at synopsys that entitles us as " Support Center Engineer !!!"

Few days back one my collegue's wife recommended him to quite Synopsys and rather join a Call center like Wipro or ICICI !!!!

for most of mortals, all support centers are call centers....

Stay Hungry ......

Badhri's current (at some point of time) GTalk status is "Stewart Brand and Steve Jobs: Stay hungry, Stay foolish". It really is a good speech. You can find it here.

While talking to him @ home the subject veered towards his GTalk status; and I was like "Hey man that Stay Foolish, Stay Poor, speech is Steve Jobs' right." Then I realized that in a moment of tongue-slip I had said something quite insightful :)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

3 girls and a guy !!

My name causes a lot of confusion to a lot of people. Quite understandable and there are tons of incidents where my name made people believe that the person behind the name is a damsel. Here goes the first one.

Satyam had organized an Antakshari competition for its employees. I participated in it along with two guys and a girl - teams of 4 were required. Now the stroke of luck - My name is Aishwarya, another guy's name was Ramya, there was another guy, Swastik and another girl - Sarbani. We won the competition and when we went to the organizers to get our names registered for the next level, she was surprised. She had expected a team of 3 girls and a guy, again, understandably.

Mubarak to you too !!

This happened a long long time back. We were on a trip to our native. Now, we are going from our village to the nearest town where we need to meet this auto driver whose name is "Mubarak". This guy is found in front of shop that my grandma is aware of.

So we are in an Mahindra Armada jeep and in a small town where big "passenger" are still looked at with awe. We stopped in front of that shop and called out to the person manning the shop.

Multiple voices from the car: "Mubarak?"
The man was happily bewildered and said "Oh, Aap ko bhi Mubarak. Lekin kis baat ke liye" (Oh, best wishes to you too but what for?)

We did not even try containing our laughter :-). Once we were done, we told him we are looking for Mubarak, the auto driver

Community Service

Ok, Excellent posts so far !!!
Hats off to all contributors. i'll contribute one of my all time favorite - Poke ( Practical Joke ;) )

Just like any one of us, Mr. Dingu is also inclined to serve the community and help others.
I met Mr. Dingu to see how committed he is for his community service.

If you've 2 televisions, would you donate one to a poor family ? , I asked.
Yes, of course replied Mr. Dingu.

that's great, if you've 2 cars, would you donate one to any NGO in need of one ?
Sure, answered Mr. Dingu.

Ok, if you've two cows, I am sure you'll also donate one Cow to a farmer in need ?
No !!! came the answer in a splash, to my surprise.

But Why ? you seem to be so generous, I inquired in awe.
Mr. Dingu calmly replied,

"It's because, I neither have two cars nor have 2 televisions, but I do have 2 Cows !!! "

"Isn't that your friend's name?"

There was a subdued roar at the dark corner of the room. The horrified little girl the boy next to him as she looked on. Slowly, the full grown lion showed itself as it emerged from the darkness. With a shrill cry of fear, the kids ran down the hall as the lion hotly pursued its prey, when suddenly Robin Williams appeared before the lion from nowhere and took the lion by surprise. Now the lion focussed on him and got ready to take on his challenge. After a brief pause, it pounced on him suddenly, when my mom appeared from nowhere between me and the TV (just like the lion!).

I said "Mom, why don't you stop moving here and there and start watching this movie?"

"Such movies don't interest me", said she.

"Come on don't judge it before you have watched at least a bit of it. This movie is Jumanji...surely you must have heard of it"

"Jumanji?", ask my mom and got lost in her thought for sometime, "Isn't that your friend's name?"

"What? My friends name? Its a movies name. You must have confused.....", and then it stuck me! "Oh! hah ha ha. That is not Jumanji! His name is Jibanjeet"!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cheppandi !!!

So my friend, Vishwas is trying to book a bus ticket to Pune. The great guy that he is, he waited till the last day to book the ticket. No tickets available, anywhere. We searched at a few places. Then we tried calling the toll free number of Raj Travels. 1800-blah-blah.

Vishwas made the phone call. Phone rings.

Lady (picks phone on the other side): Cheppundi ! (Yes Please!)
Vishwas: "Arre Raj Travels! Mere ko Pune ke liye ticket chahiye"
Lady: Enti Saaar!! (I am not sure what is meant by this. Ask Telegu experts)
Vishwas: Raj Travels!
Lady: No Sir.. Idi 108 Emergency. What is the problem?

Innocent Prayers....!

  1. "Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy" - Joyce
  2. "Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. " - Nan
  3. "Dear God, If you watch in church on sunday I will show you my new shoes" - Mickey
  4. "Dear God, if you give me genie lamp like Alladin I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set. " - Raphael.
  5. "Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones why don't you just keep the ones you got now..?" - Jane.
  6. "Dear God, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?" - Lucy


Innocent ……….Kids at their best ;-)

While heading towards our most important task of the day…i.e.…having “Tea” at ground floor stall, two kids were playing with a basketball. I snatched & asked playfully…”Kiska hai yeh basketball? The kid answered in true hyderabadi style.....”... hai to ye Big Bazaar ka…humne sirf khareeda hai” …!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Happy laughing!

"Haa haa haaa!" came out the sound of laughter from a group of youngsters-at-heart at a park in bangalore near my brother's home in Bangalore. My father made his presence felt with his joke on his day at the laughter club, thanks to Reader's Digest. This is what he had to say.

A lousy hunter was walking home with drooping shoulders after yet another day's failure when he spotted another hunter struggling to drag a big grizzly bear that he just shot.

"How could you do it?" asked he.
"Its simple! Go in front of the cave, aim your rifle at its entrance and whistle. When the bear comes out, shoot!", said the successful hunter.

After a few days, the latter went to a hospital to treat a bruise he sustained after a minor accident. He found the lousy hunter on the beds heavily bandaged.

"What happened?", asked he.

"I.... tried to ...... execute your advice ..... to kill a bear!", he managed with great difficulty!

Puzzled, the successful hunter verified, "Did you stand in front of the cave?"
"Did you take aim?"
"Did you whistle?"
"What did you see?"
"Trans-siberian express train!"

Well folks, it is not without a reason that I chose this joke that was narrated at a laughter club. Today, being the first Sunday of May, is World Laughter Day.This was celebrated for the first time in a Laughter Yoga club in Mumbai.

More reason to laugh! So, is an extra booster from Dilbert (for an enlarged version) :)

Friday, May 2, 2008


MagLev's problems

Sudeep: When you go to Japan make sure you go in Shinkansen (Japan's fastest train)

Badhri: Sure. Have you been on it?

Sudeep: No, but I had been on Maglev in China. You know? That train that works on magnetic levitation?

Badhri : Ya

Sudeep: Man its so fast! Its maximum speed is 435 kmph!

Badhri: Wow!

Sudeep: Can you believe it? Had it been built in India, I can be in Kerala and travel for work in Hyderabad!

Badhri: Amazing! But the only problem is, you can't board the train as it starts moving from the station anymore!

Sudeep: (to himself). I can't believe I have let him crack that PJ again! Damn me!

FYI: Maglev on Wiki

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Early signs of Alzheimer's disease...!

Well, it’s more of a silly act of forgetfulness, is all I can say. Last evening, as a routine I packed my stuff hurriedly and rushed downstairs from my workplace to catch a rick to home. An auto rick stood nearby and as a daily routine I fought with him… since, he demanded his exorbitant charges irrespective of his digital meter board. I told him “GET LOST”. I seriously did so. Waited anxiously for another one and the other one agreed with his meter reading fare. I thanked my stars and boarded the rick, when I realized I had forgotten something……I had literally forgotten that today I actually drove down and had parked my car downstairs…I stopped the rick driver and apologized… he gave me a weird look as if I had gone crazy...stopping him over and then getting down…but I smiled back thinking he doesn’t even know the reason. Well, then I came up and searched for my keys and drove back home….

Are you guys smiling AT LEAST…on my insanity???? :-)

Slip of the tongue

This had always been a problem to me and some of my friends. Basically, our minds work faster than our mouth..and our mouth does not cooperate with our speed.

Though I have done thousands of mistakes, I don't recollect much except yesterday's

When I was mad at somebody for their mistake, i said " itleast, at should be done like this". People stopped arguing and started laughing.. It took me a minute to understand why..

Well, this one I can never forget..Once, my friend vasu wanted to tell me "hey priya, i am not a bill clinton or george bush". He had a quick confusion in his mind whether to say bill clinton or george bush. But he said
" hey priya, i am not a billy bush".

I was like " what" ?????!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Precocious !!

Frankly speaking I had to rack my brains to write something here. Not that I do not laugh but then most of times they are either situational or they cannot be written about here ;). Here goes my first contribution.

This is my nephew and like all kids of today's generation he is ahead of his time. I am happy he is taking this seriously and is getting ready for the life ahead.

Click on the picture to get a better view

In case you are wondering, the headline says
"Sex Education in classes from next academic year"

Comedy of Reflection!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

How Dodo became extinct?

When have you stumbled upon the proof of Murphy's law lately? I do it all the time I go to Bangalore. When I am free, I flip through the channels for some good movies only to find none interesting. But invariably, when I had to leave for Hyderabad, or for work, there I would find a good movie just about to start!

It was no exception this time. I was about to leave for Hyderabad and its time for Ice Age. This time, I said to myself "That's enough! I will stay just a bit longer to savour a few minutes". And boy, this turned out to be one delay that I would cherish! Here is "Ice Age"s take on how Dodo, the pre-historic bird known for its stupidity became extinct!

Unfortunately, I could find only the hungarian version. Will see if I can post an English one when I find it!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Roll over!

"Ha ha ha", I laughed out aloud to the surprise of a passer-by, as I was walking on the street holding the thin, yellow "Treasury of jokes" by Reader's Digest.

Moments earlier, lazy to flip the pages from the beginning, I chose to read the last joke from the last page which read.....

Patient : "This hospital is no good. It treats us patients like dogs"
Orderly: "You know that's not true. Now, roll over!"

Friday, April 25, 2008

How do I call you?

I train my customers to use the software my company sells to them. Today, there was curious customer who expressed his concern about the difficulty he will go through to use the software current class is over.

"You can call me on my mobile and I would be happy to help you" I said.
"How do we call you?", he asked.
"ummm.....Badhri", I said puzzled that he didn't know my name after 3 days of interaction.

The whole class burst into laughter and he looked snubbed. After a brief moment of oblivion, I realized the customer was asking for me mobile phone number!