Sometimes its better to keep quite…

Most…of the times…I get annoyed to see men intruding into the ladies’ compartment in MMTS train, Hyderabad. Further I vent out my anger by asking them to leave or read the instruction saying boldly that “You need to pay fine under such offense”. Today, I was rather immersed in a book in one corner, when I found one Guy confidently boarding up…I was about to say my usual dialogues… J when he started saying,…”Come on guy’s get out of this compartment, it’s a ladies one…” This guy turned out to be the TT who was actually warding them off…Not my fault entirely cause I gazed at him thinking if, he was in his uniform or something…but then finally I sighed a sense of relief saying…”Thank God I didn’t blurt out today at least...else would have been the laughing stock for the day.

Panda sneeze :))

One of my favorite LOL items. The silence before the sneeze and the mother's reaction everything is funny. I wonder what the mother panda was thinking after the sneeze :-?

George Carlin (again!): Similarities

OH MY GOD! I just have to post this one. I just have no other option. Because this is THE LOL material. I was rolling on the floor and laughing my a*s off! I could feel the pain in my stomach around my six-pack that I never knew existed!

The embedding is disabled. So, here is the link.

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=cgps85scy1g&NR=1

Phewwwwwwwwwww..man UNBELIEVABLE!

Geroge Carlin: The American Dream

After yesterday's encounter with George Carlin, I couldn't sleep! I was just sitting there in the middle of the night just watching him rock-and-roll and stamp out everything on his way...religion, , politics, feminism, racism..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, The Amrenican Dream! Way to go Carlin! :)

Big time bullshit!?!

Disclaimer: This video is not for who are sensitive to the topic of religion and it is not intended to offend anyone.



If you like this you can watch a lot of George Carlin on Youtube. Here is another one thats more related:

Luck-broker analysis

I visited one of the most famous Shrines in Kamakura, Japan last weekend and found a fortune card on sale. The Japanese, it seems, are not exempt to believing that a certain members the animal kingdom bring or take away fortune from humans. That these luck-brokers live out their lives aiding the human luck-transaction is amazing. I wonder if all of them specialize only in human luck or if they work on luck of other animals too? Do they only do transactions or do any of them specialize in luck-market analysis? I guess I would never know. But this luck-broker, Mr. Turtle clearly stands out among others. He doesn't waste his time on luck market analysis for transactions. He just uses good old magic to get his job done! And his magic, one must admit, is like no other! Afterall how many magicians you know has a shell on his back and can make you a long and rich LIVER?? (See picture!)

Theo's bad report card!

In case if you were not able to watch it from here following this link:
http://www.youtube.com/v/nFY0HBkUm8o&hl=en&rel=0

Seems like this video is not available for viewing outside the US due to copyrights.

Toilet terror - It happens only in Japan

It rains and consequently gets cold in Japan. On top of that, Japan is a coffee-crazy country and I am just too happy to sail along the direction of the wind! One side-effect of that is my kidneys get work over-time without pay! (Here I go again!...)

That day was no different. Well...almost! After the third cup of coffee for the day, it was time for me to pay the regular visit. As I was standing there, performing my chore, a janitor, middle-aged a bit over-weight exited the loo located right behind where I was standing and went towards the hand wash. I was thinking about the e-mail sent by a customer asking a confusing question. So as I got done, I absent-mindedly turned simultaneously while zipping up. Time for Murphy's law.. For reasons nobody can explain, at the exact same time the janitor turned away from the hand wash and facing me, I turned away from the urinal and facing the janitor, and the zip got stuck against a piece cloth in trouser (thank god it was the cloth!). I don't know if the janitor was taken over by instinct or if the long experience came to the rescue, but quite honestly I don't want know. But the next moment, I zipped up. As I walked towards the wash she said "Sumimasen" (excuse me). It was then I realized that it was a *SHE*! My head swirled for a moment and it was not the coffee's fault.

I didn't know if I have to get the hell out of there or if I just have to pretend as if nothing has happened, wash my hands and walk out slowly. But on the way out, I made sure to check if it was indeed the gentlemen's room. Thankfully it was. I was thankful that it wasn't my fault. I told myself it probably happens only in Japan!

Testing IQ

Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope, and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one around to help you. The only possible way is to somehow convince the lion to BLOW the candle out. How do you do that?

Communist jokes

A cell in one of the numerous prisons in Soviet Union full of people convicted for nobody knows what..a new man was pushed in by the police. Everybody came running towards him and asked
"How many?", meaning "How many years?".
He said in a sad tone "Ten" :(
"What for?"
"For nothing"
"Why you liar! For nothing they give five years!"

If you liked this joke, or didn't and want a better one than that may be you can check out a related article. More communist jokes are available in a book called "Hammer and Tickle" by Ben Lewis.

Source: BBC's Global news podcast

Earn my Wrath

Giving Hope!

No matter what situations life throws at you...
no matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem...

Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

7 Habbits of Highly ineffective people.

Hey All,

I just came out of yet another thrilling Toastmaster Session and I was the Joke-Master of the day.
As a joke master I was supposed to make audience laugh and I chose to use " 7 Habbits of Highly ineffective people. "

It went pretty well, so thought to share the write up with you all too.... Here you go...

Joke Master : TM session 23

I am sure you’ve all read or at least heard about seven habits of highly effective people as explained by renowned writer Steven R Covey.

But I am not sure if you’ve also heard of 7 habits of highly ineffective people by even more renowned writer – TM Shashi. So today I’d enlighten you by those 7 habits of highly ineffective people.

Seven habits of highly ineffective people.

1.) The nosy habit.

Its simple, the people with nosy habit believe that there is a hidden treasure inside their nose and hence try to explore it whenever they get time to.

People do this when they nervous but I do this every time I get nervous and its only when I;ve found some treasure that I realize that what I was doing ?

If you follow cricket, one player who strongly believes in the treasure in the nose is Sourav Ganguly, you can often find him doing this [ Finger in the nose] and the cameraman has to take the focus off immediately. The worst thing about Ganguly is that he also does this after the nosy act. [ Put the same finger in mouth to bite nails ]

2.) The second habit of highly ineffective people is “The ultimate itch” ,

People with this habit exhibit excellent itching sense.

There are types of itching – I don’t know itching – Head.

I don’t know but I am pretending that I know itching. – Chin.

I did not take bath itching – Underarms and chest.

And the socially unacceptable – the sachin tendulkar itching.

3.) Better late than ever. Habbit.

They think that “Being late is glorious” and hence they would always come late. If there is a meeting at 3PM, they will enter at 3:20PM.

Now its not their mistake that they think being late is glorious. Because it is.

Suppose Harish is taking up an all hands and all the employees are listening to him, and this highly ineffective person enters just 30mins late, what will happen , - everybody will look at him and even harish will look at him.

Nobody would have even noticed this poor chap if only he was on time. Of course – being late is glorious.

4.) The fourth habbit is – pretend you know everything.

You can ask such people anything you like – and they will act like encyclopedia for you.

Do you know who is Michael Schumacher ? Of course, I know her.

Do you know what is a software ? – Dude – what do you think am I wearing?

Do you follow IPL ? Of course I follow IPL and Germany is my favorite team.

5.) The fifth habit is that they think 5=7.

you see these were the 7 habits of a highly ineffective person.

Just a thought!!

Now that I 've got a tail bone fracture, I can only wear loose clothes and it made me think of this..

"What if we had a tail now? .. What kind of clothes can be designed?.. A wrap around the tail ?..
In that case, how can we wear it?.. A cylindrical cloth can be pulled over on tail like how we put the pillow cover over a pillow??!!..or.. a rectangular cloth with hooks on one side and loop on other side? No no..It will take hell a lot of time to put all hooks into the loop !!
Well.. the best is having a welcro on one side and sticky thing on the other side of the cloth !!
And we can call the guy who stitches as " Tail Tailor" :)- "

wow.. what a great line of thought when I have thousands of things to study for Ph.D and exams !!

Well, if this post provokes your thought, give your suggestions :)

Already arranged interview....???

Well, I get email requests...for employment possibilities..but this request is one of its kinds.... :D

Dear Employer:

I am responding to your advertisement in website, regarding openings in Development Engineer. Please find enclosed my resume showing my education, experience, and background.

I have around 2 years experience in the software field. May I arrange an interview to further discuss my qualifications? I am available for an interview at a mutually convenient time.

Thank you for your time and consideration...
Ms. R

Badhri... what do you have to say ;-)

Toilet technology

"Around this time of year, it would be warm in Japan man! You lucky fellow, you will escape the Hyderabad summer", my friend envied me as I was about to leave for Japan!

Only god knows how much my friend cursed me for the supposed luck. But if he did, his curses sure worked! As I arrived at Tokyo airport, I was in for a cold and windy surprise. Literally! I had to take a bus to get to the city where my apartment is located. The ten minute wait with summer cotton clothes on a windy day was terrible. As if the cold is not enough, within minutes my bladder got full! I risked missing the usually punctual bus and ran for the washroom. It was a much needed relief, but a short-lived one. I managed to come back before the scheduled arrival time of the bus. The bus was late by about three minutes and I was back to square one. I felt like a pregnant lady ready give birth to a liquid infant! For the second time with in a span of ten minutes!

Narita airport is about half-an-hours drive from Tokyo. By the time, I unlocked my apartment door, I was so full that I could have put out a Californian forest fire twice! I got into the washroom for the much needed release. Engrossed in the happiness I first didn't notice it. But as I grew leaner and relieved, I noticed that there was a tap atop the flush tank, only there was no way to turn it on!

Now that I had served my sentence for committing the crime of not packing winter clothes, I started exploring. I slid my hands right under the tap to see if it has a motion sensor, but the tap didn't respond. I groped behind the tap feeling for a push button. Still nothing. "I guess the tap is just for a show. Japanese probably spend their lifetime making cars and ASIMOs that they just didn't have enough time for taps!", I thought. I reached for the flush, pulled it up (not push down) and voila! along with the flash the tap vomited copious water!

"Wow! What washes your hands can still wash of your liquid baby! Japs are cool", I thought. Little did I know then that I was barely scratching the surface of truth. The next morning, I covered the two minute walk to my office and I was full again.

"I never understood the biology. Why should my bladder hyper react to cold?", I thought as I started looking around the office building for the familiar match-stick man. "Its not that I will drown in my own urine if I don't pass a litre of it every two minutes! In fact how did so much water get into my body in the first place! Ah there he is" I spotted the match-stick man hanging from the ceiling and into the entrance under him.

After an eternal minute, I was relieved again. As I reached the wash basin, I started wondering if all the Japanese toilets had a tap over their flush tanks. So, went to the toilet door, and slowwwwly pushed it open and peeked in with curiosity. I saw no tap on the flush tank. In fact, there was no flush tank.

"Hah, it's not a Japanese thing after all, just the apartment guys, trying to impress".

I pulled the door to close it. Just as the door closed, I noticed that the toilet seat had an arm jutting out from its sides.

"What the...", I opened the door and found tiny buttons on the arms. I moved closed to observe them. They are electronic controls for the flush. Four small buttons to control the force of the water jet and four more to control the warmth. "Holy shit!", I thought. I felt as if I just got one on my jaw from Evander Holyfield and stammered out of the bathroom.

It is about a week now and I thought I got used to the best of toilet technologies. I realized that I was wrong yet again. The best just got better. Here is an article from The Economist.

Achoooo....!!

Waaaazaaaaa!

Nivikar or as I am used to calling him "Nirvignam kurme deva" (NKD) was in a thoughtful mood as NKD, Aish and I started walking towards the noisy road that would take us eventually to work. "Why are you in a thoughtful mood now?", I asked. But then he didn't respond. However, my mind got preoccupied with what I just said so fast that even if he had responded, I would have cut him off! :) Or may be he did respond and may be I did cut him off! Anyway, who cares! :)

"Hey have you heard that S**d**ji joke?", I asked them and continued without waiting for an answer. "So, a S**d**ji was taking an English exam and after a hard-fought 3 hours, he came out satisfied that he did well. A friend of his asked
"How was the exam?".
"Did well this time!", he replied, "However, there was one question that I am not sure about."
"What is that?", asked his friend
"The question was, 'what is the past tense of the word Think?"
"Well..a tough one I suppose, what was your answer?"
The S**d**ji replied "I thought..thought..thought and wrote 'Thunk'

NKD, I think, still didn't react
Aish replied, with a characteristic expression of his "Haa haa Waaaaaazaaaaa!" and did a Hi-fi!

Disclaimer: No offense to any body belonging to any particular group. Its a joke and emphasis is placed only on the "Thunk" word and no other word.

First thing in the morning!

Kids repeat what they see elders do. My nephew is no different. Only, sometimes he pushes it! I got up about 10 minutes ago and walked out of my room to find him like this!

Dilbert: Qunati Fiction

Simian traits on public display!

Nature of job 3 of 3

Alright here is the final one nature of job.
This happened to one my friend working in Motorola in software dept.

He was supposed to take a flight from Begumpet airport to Bangalore, he directly went to the airport from work and in the process forgot to take of the company batch off from his belt lock.

He entered the security checking area and the personnel who was stamping the bag - tags happened to see the batch - "MOTOROLA", and asked - "so your work for Motorola ?

Yes replied the friend,

I've a Motorola cell that is consuming lot of battery and is not catching the signals properly and you should take a look at it !!!!!!

The security personnel kept complaining about all the feature about some old Motorola Model and grew quite aggressive thinking that this is the person who must be responsible for all the trouble he faced !!!!!

He almost had him for dinner before my friend somehow managed to escape.
But he almost had to apologize before leaving, for the dirty condition -Motorola cell.

Where are you ?

I have friend whom I used to work with during my Satyam days - Actor 1

He had a friend who used to work in Indian Railways as a software engineer - Actor 2. Now, this obviously meant all last minute ticketing requests that we used to have, ended up with him :-).

Another common friend of ours came up with a similar last minute request - Actor 3. 3 requested 1 to liaison. 1 asked 3 to reach the station and give 2 a call. 3 reached station and gave 2 a call. Following conversation reconstructed from sources close to the incident.

3: Hey 2, I have reached the station, can you come down so that I can give you the money?
2: Sure, I am coming down
3: Okay
(2 comes down)
2: So where are you, I have come down near the reservation counter.
3: Okay, let me come.....Okay, I am there
2: Still cannot see you, which side are you on...
3: I am on the Platform # 1 side.
2. Even I am on that side.
3. Come near where the TT is standing. Let us meet there
2: Yes I am here
3: What color shirt are you wearing?
2: White
3: I do not see any person wearing a white shirt.
2: Okay, do one thing. Come to the first floor railways office.
3: FIRST FLOOR ???? There is no first floor.
Silence.............................
2: Which station are you at?
3: Begumpet, why? You?
2: My office is at Secunderabad station.
3: What the ........

Nature of job 2 of 3

Following happened to other colleauge (Vijay) yesterday :-

Somebody happened to have visited him, I'll call him Mr. Dingu.

Mr. Dingu got interested in the kind of job that we do at Synopsys.
To make it simple, Vijay replied " We work on chip design and related softwares ".

Mr. Dingu inquired with genuine curiosity - " so what's hot in chip design these days ? "

Vijay actively replied - " Power !!! Now a days low power designs are critical . Power seem to be the key challenge for the chips to come !! "

The discussion went on for around 10 mins and Vijay was very happy to have found some one who actually understands "nature of his job" !!!!
but he was taken aback by this statement of Mr. Dingu after a long discussion on low power design challenges in VLSI

" Oh Now I understand, why Reliance Power is investing so much money in Taiwan "

Nature of Job - 1 of 3

With IT revolution in India, one thing that has become difficult is " how do I explain my job to others ? "

Especially with the job that I do at synopsys that entitles us as " Support Center Engineer !!!"

Few days back one my collegue's wife recommended him to quite Synopsys and rather join a Call center like Wipro or ICICI !!!!

for most of mortals, all support centers are call centers....