Indianized Twinckle Twinkle little star

Just take a look at the following video! Its hillarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmdAF4ihedM

May or May not

I was bumping my head with a technical training yesterday and I found a hint, that is supposed to help me wade through materials that were for practical purposes Greek and Latin.

"Hint: The datasheet may or may not be useful to you"

Now I was thinking,

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? That is always going be the case right? If there is a datasheet, no matter what you are trying to figure out, the datasheet is going to have only two roles to play!

1) It may be useful to you!

2) It may not be useful to you!

Besides, isn't it enough if it is just "Hint: The datasheet may be useful to you"? Doesn't the word "may" add enough uncertainity? Why go for the "may or may not" overkill? Just so you confuse the reader to the maximum now that you have started of with it anyway?!

Whoever wrote it must have been thinking, "If I wrote just "may"... oops I have just given too much away with the hint!. Buuuuuuuuut if I had just used "may not", I would have turned the user away from the datasheet and that robs me an opportunity to play with his mind. So, I will say "MAY OR MAY NOT!" How delicious. Now that is going to put a spin on his head! Haa Haa Haa"

Now, if I ever meet Mr. May O'Maynot, I would say "I may or may not throw a rock or lathe on your head or toe while you may or may not be sleeping or awake! How about that!"

Wally on "How to short sell your under-accomplishments?"

Double Entendre

While Aish, Amitabh and Abhishek seem to have made a meal out of the opportunity to "show" off in front of the camera after they have voted, Greg Chappell must be wondering what was all the fuss in the media when he did the same thing a few years back! :)

PS: Just look at Amitabh a little closer! He seems to fully realize the double entendre

Priest, Vodka and Holy shit!

It has been sometime since I had a laugh that replicates well on a blog post. But this forward from a friend who sure does filter what he forwards meticulously, sure qualifies! What an entertainer! Enjoy!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous
and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not beat his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the
Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest
at St.Taffy's.

Fun with Calvin and Hobbes!

Click to see the complete strip!

Animals and friends!

A friend and colleague of mine recently became a member of Toastmaster's club in my office. For the unaware, once a member one is supposed to deliver a series of talks refining each aspect of communication skill with every talk. The first one, the ice breaker, is always a talk introducing oneself and providing a brief personal history to the rest of the club.

What she said (hopefully didn't intend) during the course of her speech got me to thinking on "what I really am!". She said.

"I like animals a lot. I like to surround myself with animals. Ask my friends!"

...and I sit next to her at work!

Qute a distance!

The recent PJ that worked out my abdominal muscles!

A guy meets an old friend and here is how the conversation goes

Guy: Hey dude, Its been a long time. The last I saw you was on your wedding!
Old Friend: Ya! Now I have a daughter and it has been 6 months since she has started walking!
Guy: Wow! She must have covered quite a distance now!
OF: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

hello

http://www.mefeedia.com/entry/sbi-credit-card/13365803/

Very funny!!

Ethiopia

These days no matter what I do the conversation naturally slides to how I am lost because I am preoccupied with something (rather somebody) else in mind. :D I try to fend them off as much as possible. But it is only a matter of time before I give up and let my colleagues walk all over me with their taunts! What is the point anyway? They are not always wrong quite honestly! :)

But today was a little different and for once I got off the hook fast! I was having lunch with three of my colleagues over some trivial matter when I got a reminder from my mobile. As I paid attention towards it I fumbled up with a reply. Assuming that to be an SMS from "Her" my colleagues grabbed the chance.

"Now there is no point talking to Badhri", mentioned JJ

"Ya, he is in his own world", giggled RS!

"Ya, Ethiopia", said RVD

I said, "Its Utopia not Ethiopia! and look who is lost!" :)

The Satyam Connection

Every one is writing a blog about the Satyam fiasco (I am going to do that after this one). I found this piece of poetry on one of the blogs on Livemint.

Raju Raju? Yes, papa.
Missing assets? No, papa.
Unnecessarily trying to acquire a real estate company to save your skin?
No, papa.
Okay, show me your balance sheet!
Ha ha ha.

This has again been tagged as sadist. Reason, I was a Satyamite and I know many.

Santa needs a bailout

The pressure of performance

Thanks to a colleague for this one.

Me and muttoo.....

Read this on a blog profile. I couldn't help smiling on the line below the pic :-)

Sadist Joke

Hyderabadis will be able to get the context of my joke.

Badhri and I were going in a rickshaw over the new flyover that connects Greenlands to Banjara Hills and Hi-Tech. I, matter-of-factly, told him "Dude, you know this flyover has really made life easier for people". Badhri, his usual skeptical self, quipped "Not before taking some" - referring to the flyover mishap that happened not so long ago.

PS: This post introduces a new label "Sadist".

CRASH!

I get lost in thoughts so much that I am famous among my friends (at least those who I currently live with) as one who mouths and gestures to himself while alone. But I reach new heights if I make official visits companies representing my company.

Recently I had been in Qualcomm, Bangalore to support a design release. The avid coffee drinker in me prompted me for a cup while working on a head-scratching behaviour of our company's software. I opened the glass door to reach the pantry and my gesturing started while I waited for the coffee. I must have taken the coffee after it filled up and started walking. CRASH came the sound and the next thing I remember was that about 10-15 people were staring at me as if they were 5-year-olds lost in a strip club - horrified and confused at what had just happened. I was standing there with a small lump on my forehead, all the coffee on my brother's neatly pressed formals. (I don't pack my shirts when I go to Bangalore!), a stupid smile on my face that my mom would usually describes as "a monkey that had just tasted ginger". Lost in thought, I didn't notice the closed glass door in front me and almost walked right through it!

As if to prove the stupidity that my face wore, I asked the only person dared to walk up to me to help, "Was this door closed?". He had to let out the giggle he was suppressing till then when he said, "Yes, it closes automatically. You probably didn't notice". I thanked him for the help and walked to my cube as I rememebered my visit to Wipro last year with a sense of deja vu!

Family Guy - Road to Germany

Garba khelo ?

DISCLAIMER :
No personal feelings please and with due respect to all garba lovers.
No harm intented to religious sentiments.

I moved to Ahmedabad just one month before Tatas decided to move to Ahmedabad ;) - a truly amazing city for sure, but this city two serious problems , first it comes in dry state - so hard time boozing, second this is the land of GARBA - the traditional Gujarati dance performed especially during the the festival before dussera - Nau Durga. It was my first garba season here and I've some tonic for you -

1.) Every body says Garba khelo (meaning - play) , now can you tell me - how do we play a dance ?

2.) After doing garba, here is my definition :-
" It is an activity where people form circle or ellipse and rotate while clapping in a weird fashion and everybody thinks that we are dancing. "
I went to all the famous places in Ahmedabad and saw so many garbas - all I was reminded of Godhra riots - so much commotion - hardly any cultural relevance.

3.) Every Garba begins with prayer of Ma Durga and this dance is said to be performed for the goddess. I wonder if ever the goddess told mortal beings to "wear some sort of sexy back less dress for ladies and scare crow like dress for men and then dance whole night to make her happy."

The money and time spent on real festival of Ma durga is something like :-

Money on Garba : Money on Pooja :: 10000: 0.01
time doing garba : time doing pooja : : 9 hours : 6 mins

4.) Then this must be an interesting fact -
" The sale of condoms increases drastically during the garba season !!! "
check out google for real facts and figures, here is one such new from DNA :-

www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1195829

I am fascinated by the whole hyporcricy in our society but neways, now I understand why they call a dance - " Khelo" coz its actually a big play - a foreplay, may be.

Parah Salin

India vs. America

I went to meet with the principal of a tiny school (which he is run on the terrace of his house) to discuss the next science demo that our company trying to put together. He is a very good example of an achiever by keeping things small. He runs a couple of businesses which includes an internet browsing center and using the money runs the school that mainly caters to the nearby families of the lower economic income. He is also a funny guy who frequently takes a satirical looks at social problems that irritated me!

During our conversation I realized that he has some social consciousness when he revealed that he writes frequently to Deccan Chronicle suggesting traffic improvements and a voluntary member of a group (don't remember the name) that assists traffic police. So, I tried to take his opinions on public urination and how to solve it. He suggested people aren't ready to pay a rupee for unrination and two for defecating, especially when it is not a taboo to do so in public. But he expressed the "not a taboo" part beautifully!

"This is India, not America! In America, people can kiss in public, but not piss in public. Here we can piss in public..but unfortunately we can't kiss in public"

A piece of genius

You must have heard an anecdote from the life of Einstein told to justify the fact that brilliant people people make stupid mistakes when the eventually succumb to making one. Einstein had a pet cat which inevitably gave birth to kitten. So, Einstein decided to construct a small home for the cat and built a home with two entrances, a big one for the mother and a small one for the kitten, missing the obvious point that if the mom can enter through the bigger entrance, so can the kitten. But that's the oft told story, too boring to merit a repeat. So sticking to the ubiquitous rule "only change is constant" let us narrate another story from the life of another undisputed genius.

This happened one day in his childhood when he had an upcoming basic mathematics exam involving addition, subtraction, place value identification, division etc... Being a sincere student he had been preparing hard for the exam under the expert guidance of his mom. On the morning of the exam, while he was taking stab at a random bunch of problems his mom realized that there were too many problems to solve in such a short time before starting to prepare to go to school. So, she told him "Don't worry about attempting addition, subtraction and place values..you know it very well. Attack the multiplications and division and get them right. That should be enough". And the genius obliged. Feeling confident after the revision, he left for school to conquer the exam.

That evening his mom enquired,"How was the paper?"

As if he was just waiting for his mom the answer the enquiry, he beamed,"The paper was great! I solved all the division and multiplications right!"

Puzzled, the mom asked, "What about the addition, subtraction and place values..?"
"Oh, but why should I even attempt them mom, I know I do them very well. I just attempted the multiplications and divisions. Isn't that what you said?"

Now who is this genius? Well..who else? :)

Prasing her or picking on her?

I got introduced to Hindi when I was in my fourth standard (I think), but then for as long as I was in Chennai, my Hindi hadn't matured so much to understand movie songs right out of the player. It needed offline processing. But remember your school prayer or the "India is my nation" pledge? Honest to god, when was the time in all your 12 years of school have you stopped to think "What the hell is the meaning of what I am saying? Does anyone even know or am I the only dumbo?". For the privileged Tamilians like me, a lot of Hindi songs fit the category too! There are always exceptions, and you do sometime get the meaning of what Udit Narayan is trying to tell Alka Yagnik. But the funny ones are the songs that leave you confused! For example,  this song is from an absolute box-office smasher that catapulted Shah Rukh from a chocolate hero into a bitter-sweet anti-hero. The cause for the confusion though is the South Indian heroine, the only one for who a temple was built, if romours are anything to go by.  This extract from the song has always left me wondering if the hero is praising his sweet heart or making fun of her for being excessively fat. Here is the extract..

"Jadooooo teri nazar...Khusbhoo tera badan..."

Ice Cream

http://www.veryfunnyads.com/ads/25626.html

2 Silly things !!!!

Well I really don't know whether we should laugh about it or not but here is what I saw at Ujjain Station. ( Third most busy railway junction in M.P.)

The cow stood right at the platform harldy few meters from the gate of the train.
I wondered whether - Lalu has started special trains for cow - obliging to the "CHARA".





Another one.....I read following on a Auto-Ricksaw in Hyderabad.
unfortunately I could not click the picture as it was in middle of traffic.

"Do not over take from left side, I am not responsibility. "

Japanese Faux pas

Well, my Japanese Faux pas doesn't seem to end with my earlier adventure at the party hall. Here is more..

Two days ago, my manager in Japan... ya ya the same Sato-san organized a send-off dinner at an Indian restaurant in Shinagawa (like you know where it is..). All the Japanese guys who I worked with were invited for the dinner. Since it was a working day we were all in the office and left for the restaurant together. One guy who I spent most time with (I mean working...you pervert) is Shinya Hirai-san. He must be a nice guy I thought, since he keeps smiling all the time. But the problem is, he has no choice but to smile all the time because he knows only as much as I know Japanese. Anyway, we left the office together and I was stuck with him while walking up to the railway station. After a labour ( I mean working hard..dumbo, its a he, not a she!) of about five minutes he managed to ask me,

"So what you buy in Japan?"
I said "I got a video camera"
"India no bideo kamera?" (Is there no video camera in India?)
"Of course we have video cameras man, but they are not as good as they are here. There are more varieties here.."

He seemed to have been impressed by the compliment. But he smiles when he is lost in translation too..So I would never know. As we walked there was a long pause. After some time, I saw a bus with strange exterior colours..with a bit of bright yellow on it. That was the first time I saw this kind of a bus in Japan. Priding myself of my capability to simplify my English down to Japanese level, I pointed to the bus and said

"That is very different".
He turned around to me and asked "India no bassu?" (Don't you have bus in India?)

Simultaneous thoughts clogged my mind:
a) No man never knew what the word bus meant before I came Japan.. we still go around with bullock carts and donkey driven carriages..

b)Never talk to Japanese in English, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience!